thechapbookreview

Spider Vein Impasto

Spider Vein ImpastoSpider Vein Impasto
A multi-writer project
Edited and designed by Juliet Cook
Blood Pudding Press, 2009
$8

Reviewed by Andrew Borgstrom

I thought Spider Vein Impasto was a restaurant. I opened the front cover and asked, Do I seat myself? The hostess said, Suit yourself. I looked down and noticed I was wearing a suit. I looked up and noticed I was sitting down. Someone misplaced my comfort zone, and my index finger twirled Juliet Cook’s pink hair in confused delight. Since I shave my head every Thursday, I was glad Juliet Cook had bound the chapbook I thought was a restaurant in pink string I thought was her hair.

I met Juliet Cook a week prior at the Pig Trough. She agreed to show me her words if I would show her mine, or something. I just remember resembling a puddle of blood pudding, or eating a pile of blood pudding, or both. I remember being called a cannibal. Before Juliet left, she whispered into my ear, I make body parts from food…and food from body parts. I tried to say I love you, but just drooled into myself instead.

At the Spider Vein, Juliet told me she had recently made eighteen friends. I wondered if she meant physically or socially. I smiled at both, two different smiles that made a new smile on my face, a smile that understood what she had made. One of her friends named Jenny Sadre-Orafai said, “This isn’t going to be what you want it to be.” I said, I’m going to use that line for my own purposes in the future. Jenny said, “No, not on my watch.”

I looked down at my watch. No watch. I think Jenny stole my watch. Sharon Zetter accused me: “You tried to slick a straw in her ass, the red and yellow; the pink yelp.” I yelped. I noticed Nathan Logan had built a metropolis out of Arby’s food. I yelped louder. Melissa Culbertson calmed me down by telling me about Christian Bale and her ex-boyfriend. I could have listened to Melissa forever. And when she finished speaking, I could have watched Christian Bale movies with her.

I sat at the bar with John Rocco and did double shots. I asked him if he came here often. “I’m in a bar,” he said. The shots made it difficult to tell if this was a question or a statement… “inside my head,” he finished. So, often then? I asked. “Right you are, Viking witch, right you are,” he replied. I waited for someone to say I was taking things out of context, probably Jenny. But instead, Juliet Cook said, “May I recommend the red raspberry hot glue gun.” I yelped again. I yelped all the way home.

I sat wide awake in bed, thinking of the Spider Vein Impasto. I would return tomorrow for lunch, with friends. I would have to make some friends. I would ask Juliet Cook if she had any leftovers. “The procedure involves a 3-way mirror and a milking machine,” she will tell me. “I’m hooked…”

P.S. I took home a take-out menu. At home, I took out the menu:

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  1. LOVE that menu!! HA!!

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